We're Hiring!
Join the world's leading time reclamation firm. Track your breaks. Calculate your reclaimed wages. No experience required.
Hardly Working Corp. · Time Reclamation Solutions
EMPLOYEE TOOLKIT
Every new hire receives access to our full suite of time reclamation tools.
DEPT. OF TIME RECLAMATION
Break Timer
Your company-issued slacking timer. One tap to start. One tap to stop. Track every coffee run, bathroom break, and existential crisis with corporate precision.
SCREENSHOT
PLACEHOLDER
DEPT. OF ANALYTICS
Performance Dashboard
Day, week, month, year, and lifetime reports. Watch your career of strategic underachievement unfold in beautiful charts. Management would not be impressed.
SCREENSHOT
PLACEHOLDER
DEPT. OF COMPETITIVE ANALYSIS
Industry Benchmarks
See how you rank against other employees worldwide. Country rankings. Industry comparisons. Find out if you're slacking above or below average.
SCREENSHOT
PLACEHOLDER
DEPT. OF GROUP OPERATIONS
Reclamation Units
Form private departments with coworkers. Weekly leaderboards. QR code invites. Hold each other accountable through shared professional negligence.
SCREENSHOT
PLACEHOLDER
APPROVED ACTIVITY CODES
All Hardly Working Corp. employees receive 10 pre-approved break categories. From innocent to existential. Promoted employees may create custom ones.
YOUR JOB DESCRIPTION
Three responsibilities. Zero accountability.
Clock In
Select your activity. Tap to start the break timer. Your shift at Hardly Working Corp. has begun.
Log Everything
Every session is recorded. Every minute counted. Every dollar of reclaimed wages calculated automatically.
Collect Your Earnings
Review your reclamation reports. Compare against industry benchmarks. Share your performance review.
=FORECAST(annual_reclamation)
The average Hardly Working Corp. employee reclaims $4,200 worth of time per year.
*Based on internal projections. Individual results vary by department.
EMPLOYEE TESTIMONIALS
FORM ES-4782 | REV. 3.1 | HARDLY WORKING CORP. DEPT. OF MORALE
“Hardly Working Corp. has completely transformed my relationship with productivity. My quarterly output has never been lower. HR has questions.”
Employee #4782
Office Drone · Joined Q1 2026
“I reclaimed $2,400 last quarter. My real employer's performance review says I'm 'exceeding expectations.' Both statements are somehow true.”
Anonymous Bureaucrat
Bureaucrat · Joined Q2 2026
“I downloaded this to understand what my team was doing. Now I use it more than they do. Requesting a transfer to the Reclamation Unit.”
Concerned Manager
Suit & Tie · Joined Q1 2026
“Best employer I've ever had. The onboarding was seamless. I used to feel guilty about bathroom breaks. Now I feel empowered.”
Reformed Workaholic
Tech Bro · Joined Q2 2026
* All testimonials are from fictional Hardly Working Corp. employees. Any resemblance to your actual coworkers is purely coincidental.
EMPLOYEE TIERS
All positions start free. Promotions are available for ambitious reclaimers.
Intern
Free
Permanent position. Zero expectations.
Free forever. No credit card required.
Included:
- ✓Full break timer (all 10 activity codes)
- ✓Today + This Week performance reports
- ✓Industry benchmarks summary
- ✓Join reclamation units (groups)
- ✓Share cards (with company watermark)
- ✓10 employee commendations (achievements)
Executive
$39.99
/year
7-day free trial (cancel anytime).
Save 85% vs weekly.
Everything in Intern, plus:
- ✓Month, Year, Lifetime reports
- ✓Audit Findings (insights engine)
- ✓Personal records & category rankings
- ✓Full country & industry benchmarks
- ✓Create reclamation units (unlimited)
- ✓Custom activity codes
- ✓CSV data export
- ✓Premium share cards (no watermark)
- ✓5 executive-only commendations
Also available: $4.99/week (no trial period)
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
INTERNAL MEMO | REF: FAQ-HWC-2026 | HARDLY WORKING CORP. | CLASSIFICATION: PUBLIC
Your orientation is complete!
Welcome to Hardly Working Corp. Download your employee handbook and start reclaiming immediately. Your other employer will never know. Probably.