To all employees, past, present, and future,
Today, Hardly Working Corp. opens its doors to the public.
The app is live on the iOS App Store. It is free to download. It takes thirty seconds to set up. It does not require your employer's permission, your manager's approval, or anyone's consent but your own.
A break timer. A wage calculator. A way to see, in plain numbers, what your non-productive time is worth.
Ten activity categories — from Coffee Run to Into the Void. Dashboards that show your day, your week, your career. Benchmarks that tell you how you compare to professionals in your country and industry. Friend groups where you and your coworkers can hold each other accountable through shared professional negligence.
And underneath all of it, a measurement tool. The system quantifies non-productive time regardless of how it is classified by the user's primary employer.
Hardly Working Corp. was incorporated in February 2026 after a routine market analysis identified a gap in available tooling. Existing time tracking solutions focused exclusively on productive output. Non-productive time — which, per Department of Research findings (MEMO-2026-003), constitutes the majority of a standard workday — remained untracked and unquantified.
This was determined to be a significant oversight. Development commenced. The product is now available.
The founding employee cohort provided extensive testing data and operational feedback during the pre-launch period. Their contributions have been noted in their personnel files.
New employees downloading today are welcomed to the firm. Orientation materials are available in-app. No prior experience is required.
More features. More benchmarks. More ways to understand how you spend the hours between 9 and 5.
Standard onboarding procedure: install the application, initialize a timer, select an activity code. The system will handle the rest.
The Department of Employee Morale has been permanently dissolved. Its functions have not been reassigned.
We're hiring. No experience required. No questions asked.
— J. Pemberton
Chief Slacking Officer
Hardly Working Corp.
HARDLY WORKING CORP. · DEPT. OF INTERNAL COMMUNICATIONS · EST. 2026